The Tower of London May Once Again House Seditious Criminals

The White Tower of London

Marguerite Harbert, heiress of Birmingham based Harbert Construction and richest person in Alabama, has offered to purchase the Tower of London for the good of the country. Inspired by the late Robert McCulloch who purchased London Bridge and moved it to Arizona, she envisions placing the Tower of London on the Alabama River in Montgomery, in proximity to the Alabama Shakespeare Festival Theater. The heiress would like to return the Tower to its historical role of prison for high ranking officials guilty of acts of sedition.

Alabama is the perfect home for the Tower of London,” Ms. Harbert told the press. “First of all, we have that sixteenth century mindset that is all but lost in much of Western Civilization. Second, we are a hotbed of seditious political leaders. First, there was Judge Roy Moore defying the federal courts for a second time, even after being removed from office for the first offense. Now, both of Alabama’s senators, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III and Richard Shelby, have committed the latest seditious act by signing the infamous letter to Iran from 47 Republican senators in hopes of undermining the work of the leader of the free world, President Barack Obama.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III

Roy Moore

Richard Shelby

The proposal being put forth is to allow the Tower of London to once again be used as a place of imprisonment to seditious public officials. Roy Moore, Jeff Sessions, and Richard Shelby are the top choices for the state of Alabama. If the project moves with success, there may also be a future for Dick "Darth Vader" Cheney to receive what Shakespeare might term “poetic justice” for the torture king of water boarding. The only hurdle is the Alabama State Legislature which the heiress sees as no problem since they have proven to open to monetary persuasion. 

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Judge Roy Moore Stands in the Gap in a State Awash In Moral Depravity

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore sees humanity awash in unspeakable sin, and only he can stem the tide of depravity. Thus, the judge who seeks to preserve the laws of the Bible decided to work on the Sabbath by issuing an order late Sunday forbidding any Alabama justice to issue marriage licenses for any gay couples seeking to wed in the state. This, of course, in defiance of the federal court’s recent ruling that Alabama’s ban on same sex marriage as unconstitutional.

“Constitution be darned!” exclaimed the Judge, being careful not to use the Lord’s name in vain, “If that's the way these liberals interpret it. We must uphold our state’s long held standards of decency.” The judge noted that Alabamians, though decent and God-fearing people, will lapse into unspeakable sin and degradation if gays are allowed to marry, citing on national television (see below) that nothing would stop fathers from wedding daughters or mothers marrying their sons if we allow gays and lesbians to marry. When the question came up of where the judge got such degrading thoughts, one preacher said, “It’s from reading the Book of Leviticus – you wouldn’t believe some of the filth in those pages. He’d be better off taking a break and reading D.H. Lawrence for a while.”

“We stand for biblical principles,” Judge Moore declared. “In this state, we have stood with Injun fighters, slave holders, land barons and company bosses, but I’ll be Gosh Darned,” he said choosing his words carefully,” if we are going to stand with gays at the marriage altar.”

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The following, unfortunately, is not satire:
Ku Klux Klan Supports Judge Roy Moore

And this:

Today in History: The War of the Worlds

The War of the Worlds aired as a radio broadcast on this date (October 30) in 1938. It was a Halloween episode on The Mercury Theater on the Air. It was mistaken as reality by a surprisingly large number of people. It was a case of fiction being misunderstood as reality because of the way it was broadcast. It set a record for misunderstanding fiction for truth in media broadcasts that stood unmatched before being eclipsed in recent years by Fox News.