Mike Hubbard’s Advice to the Governor: Get a Tattoo!

Mike Hubbard (photo from Legal Schnauzer)

Mike Hubbard represented one on of the three branches of state government in his role as Speaker of the House in the Alabama State Legislature. He now represents one third of the Alabama state leadership currently at odds with the law, since leaders of all three branches have been under investigation. The governor may even face impeachment while Chief Justice Judge Roy Moore faces ethics complaints.

Hubbard is the first of the three to be convicted (on 12 of 23 ethics charges). His advice to his Republican colleagues still facing charges is, “Get a tattoo before you go to the slammer.”

Gov. Bentley
(Wikipedia photo)

“Ordinarily,” Hubbard told Governor Bentley in a recent telephone conversation, “I would recommend you get the best legal counsel. But you know, I had the best legal counsel available in the state of Alabama and now I’ve landed in prison. And let me tell you, Governor, prison is a rude awakening.”

“I faced lots of criticism as a state legislator – people telling me I was no real statesman and stuff like that, but now that I’m in the slammer, I can’t get any respect here either. These thugs are telling me I am no real criminal. They say I’m just two-bit politician. It is especially disheartening to see the disdain my fellow inmates have for me. I really think that if I had a tattoo when they hauled me into the slammer, I would have a better chance of being one of the guys and getting a little more respect for my misdeeds.”

Judge Roy Moore
(AL.Com photo)

It is not known whether Governor Bentley has made any contact with a tattoo parlor in an effort to ease his own transition. It is assumed that Judge Roy Moore will heed the injunction against tattoos in Leviticus 19:28, since he has a penchant for Old Testament laws. A source close to the judge did say that he may follow the Apostle Paul’s example of writing prison letters to churches. “Not that he wants to add to scripture, but there is a lot of fundraising opportunity there.”

Cartoon by J.D. Crowe

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Alabama: We put the "Goober" back into Gubernatorial

We have two physicians running for governor of Alabama. The current governor, a retired dermatologist,apparently sees every problem as only skin deep. He entered office on the Republican ticket vowing to accept no salary until he brought jobs to the state. After almost a full term in office, he is still receiving no salary and is worth every penny we pay him. He has waged a campaign to accept no Medicaid expansion for his state, costing Alabama jobs as well as income, throwing the healthcare industry into a tail spin, staving off medical treatment for hundreds of thousands, and causing many to wonder if he ever took the Hippocratic oath. 

This year, the Democrats came up with their own doctor to oppose Gov. Bentley in the gubernatorial race. Some even dared to hope that Alabama might have the potential to get a real governor running the state. Until this last week, Parker Griffith's most memorable effort was in trying to resurrect the state's failed attempt at an education lottery, a train that left the station at least two recessions back.

I heard it first from a colleague at work, that Parker Griffith had a meltdown on the air, cursing and threatening a radio talk show host. I thought "Oh, great, have we now got two clowns running?" Then I did a little research and saw in a news report that it was an off-the-air meltdown, not on the air. Still not a good move for the gubernatorial candidate. Leave it to Alabama to put the goober back into gubernatorial.


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Governor Bentley of Alabama Holds his State Up as a Paragon of Republican Ideals

Governor Bentley, in his state of the state address on Tuesday night continued to reject Obamacare, Medicaid expansion, and federal government intervention. Instead, he showed the nation what Republican ideals of low taxes and small government can do for a state. After all, Alabama was practicing low taxes, small government and resistance to federal programs long before it was Republican cool, way before there were Tea Party rallies – and it has really paid off. “The poorest county in the United States of America is located just 73 miles from where we sit tonight," the governor proclaimed. "If we were to drive a little over an hour from this historic hall we would find ourselves in Wilcox County where the median household income is below that of any other county in this nation.” 

To the governor’s credit, he has refused to accept a salary until his state achieves full employment. According to the official Alabama Governor website, “To date, Governor Bentley has never accepted a salary as Governor.” Many Alabama citizens are of the opinion that Gov. Bentley is worth every cent they pay him. In 2012, Alabama ranked 39th in the nation in job growth. 2013 saw a dramatic change as the state moved to 49th in job growth (wait a minute – a larger number is not really better in this case is it?).

Finding the Right Government Is the Key

The governor expressed pride in refusing Medicaid expansion and the jobs and benefits that would come with it. Dependence upon the federal government is no way to improve our state, Governor Bentley maintains. Instead, he would rather depend upon the Japanese government, stating that, “There are over 60 Japanese companies in Alabama. Two months ago I had the opportunity to travel there to recruit more jobs and strengthen relationships with Japan's biotech industry.” In other words, Governor Bentley would much rather his state be a vassal of an Asian economic power than to be beholden to what he sees as an increasingly socialist Democratic regime centered in Washington, D.C.

Would it be possible for our own government to invest in Alabama? There was actually one Democrat still on hand in Alabama who took issue with Governor Bentley's aversion to the Affordable Care Act and Medicaid expansion. The Democrat, a businessman who wished to remain anonymous stated that Governor Bentley is passing up an opportunity to give Alabama a number one ranking. Currently, Alabama ranks among the top ten states that receive more in federal aid than they pay in taxes, which amounts to a positive return in federal tax investment. Currently, however, the state ranks number nine in the country. If the Governor would accept Medicaid expansion and buy into Obamacare, then Alabama would have a chance to be number one in something besides football. It could be number one in substantial economic returns on taxes paid into the federal government. 

The Democratic businessman went on to explain that Alabama should think of Medicaid expansion and The Affordable Care Act as an investment strategy. Since the demise of the iron and steel industry, healthcare is actually the state's largest industry, already employing more people than any other single industry. Furthermore, it has been estimated that Medicaid expansion would bring an influx of 35,000 additional new jobs. It could be such a boon that the Governor might actually be able to allow himself a salary and could take credit for achieving full employment in the state (which by the state's own definition would be equal to 5.2% unemployment rather than the current 6.2%).   

Campaigning for Tomorrow

The Governor expressed pride in the hard-working people of Alabama who are privileged to live in a state that espouses better than any other state the Republican ideals of low taxes, small government, and state’s rights (Gov. Bentley made sure to emphasize the Tenth Amendment in affirming state’s rights and rejecting federal government intervention). These are the principles that will bring true pride and prosperity to the people. When asked why Alabama remained at the bottom in terms of jobs, income and education, the Governor responded that if the problems of unemployment and education were solved today, there would be nothing to campaign against tomorrow.

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