Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The Tower of London May Once Again House Seditious Criminals

The White Tower of London

Marguerite Harbert, heiress of Birmingham based Harbert Construction and richest person in Alabama, has offered to purchase the Tower of London for the good of the country. Inspired by the late Robert McCulloch who purchased London Bridge and moved it to Arizona, she envisions placing the Tower of London on the Alabama River in Montgomery, in proximity to the Alabama Shakespeare Festival Theater. The heiress would like to return the Tower to its historical role of prison for high ranking officials guilty of acts of sedition.

Alabama is the perfect home for the Tower of London,” Ms. Harbert told the press. “First of all, we have that sixteenth century mindset that is all but lost in much of Western Civilization. Second, we are a hotbed of seditious political leaders. First, there was Judge Roy Moore defying the federal courts for a second time, even after being removed from office for the first offense. Now, both of Alabama’s senators, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III and Richard Shelby, have committed the latest seditious act by signing the infamous letter to Iran from 47 Republican senators in hopes of undermining the work of the leader of the free world, President Barack Obama.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III
Roy Moore
Richard Shelby

The proposal being put forth is to allow the Tower of London to once again be used as a place of imprisonment to seditious public officials. Roy Moore, Jeff Sessions, and Richard Shelby are the top choices for the state of Alabama. If the project moves with success, there may also be a future for Dick "Darth Vader" Cheney to receive what Shakespeare might term “poetic justice” for the torture king of water boarding. The only hurdle is the Alabama State Legislature which the heiress sees as no problem since they have proven to open to monetary persuasion.